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admin · Site Admin Joined: 13 Dec 2006 Posts: 227

WARNING -- NOT FOR THE EASILY OFFENDED

Some "jokes" doing the rounds on the net . I hesitate to copy them here for various reasons , not least of which is that most of them are crap as jokes IMHO , but what do you think of them ?
Funny / offensive / racist / know a better one about the English ?

/*_Irish Jokes_*/

/Into a //Belfast// pub comes Paddy Murphy, Looking like he'd just been
run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, His face
is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender."
Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy./
/"That little shit, O'Connor," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
He must have had something in his hand."/
/"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it."/
/"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself; didn’t you have
something in your hand?"/
/That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Connor's breast and a thing of Beauty
it was but useless in a fight."/
/**********************************************************************************************************
/
/An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the
city one night and, Of course, his car is weaving violently all over the
road./
/A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya
been?"/
/"Why, I've been to the pub of course," Slurs the drunk./
/"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite A few to drink
this evening." /
/"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile./
/"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms
across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
your car?" /
/"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought
I'd gone deaf."/
/***********************************************************************************************************
/
/Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual; When Tim Finnegan
arrives at her door. /
/"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". /
/"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's me
husband?" /
/"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident
down at the Guinness brewery..."/
/"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "
I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry./
/Finally, she looked up at Tim. /
/"How did it happen, Tim?" /
/"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness Stout and
drowned."/
/"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go
quickly?"/
/"Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee."/
/************************************************************************************************************
/
/Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after His Sunday morning service
and she's in tears. /
/He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"/
/She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. Me husband passed away
last night."/
/The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible indeed. Tell me, Mary, did
he have any last requests?"/
/She says, "That he did, Father." /
/The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?”/
/She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'/
/*********************************************************************************************************
/_
AND THE BEST FOR LAST_/ /
/A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, /
/Enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing./
/The Priest coughs a few times to get his Attention but the drunk
continues to sit there./
/Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall./
/The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin’, there's no paper on this
side either

_________________
we need more people to say something .

quarryman · Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 417 Location: Sligo

Oh Mary Jo, I love you so,

Especially in your nighty.

When the moonlight flits

Accross your tits,

Oh Jesus Christ Allmighty..........